expecting?

Why do people say "I'm expecting." when they are referring to the fact that they are pregnant? First of all, it's quite vague, let alone the fact that it's not even a complete sentence.

When someone says this, I want to look at them with a quizzical expression, perhaps with one eyebrow cocked upward and say "Expecting what?" I mean, are they expecting it to snow? To win the lottery? For their roof to cave in?

Socially we all have a 99% chance of knowing what they are referring to but what if, just what if they are referring to something else and just had a long pause to collect their thoughts before continuing? "I'm expecting..........pause.........." and then you start in talking and pretty soon -mass confusion- and this is how rumors get started. Just what if? And all they wanted to tell you was that they were expecting to get a sandwich for lunch. So now we have gone from lunch to baby in 2.2 seconds all because of a ridiculous archaic phrase.

I propose that the term in reference to pregnancy be omitted from our linguistic arsenal. I find it irritating and a tad out-dated...not to mention moderately stupid since it is not even a sentence. I'm expecting..........pause..........to wage a verbal war against it.

stupid

There's a lot of stupid out there. I'm not talking about actual mensurable intelligence or random dingyness, but rather the everyday stupid that involves laziness and the inability to follow simple directions. I would also group those that are racist and unaccepting of others due to outward appearance into this category.

The random dingy person is actually one of my favorite types. They are generally happy and even though the "dumb on the bus" analogy usually applies, they are a riot to hang around. They are willing to learn and listen. They accept all others for what they are and don't expect favors. And frankly, they crack me up.

As for stupid, you can have any level of intelligence and still fall into this category. Book smarts do not apply to stupid. In fact, some of the smarties are usually the worst of the stupids.

I run across stupid on a regular basis. They're everywhere. I don't know why people find it so difficult to follow simple direction but I would put my money on lazy. I was raised to work my tail off and have pride in what I do. Grandma always says "A jobs a job." and it doesn't matter what you do, do it well. In this economic climate, one should be happy to have a job, no matter what it is. The stupid person does not take pride in their job and thinks that certain things are "owed" to them or that the job is below them.

Now, of course, stupid does not just apply to ones work ethic but you can usually judge the caliber of ones character by how they work.

Let's face it, stupid is everywhere.

ho ho ho...

I have a condition known as holiday audio aversion which symptoms include foul language whenever I am within hearing distance of Jingle Bells and complete hysterics when encountering The Little Drummer Boy. Other reactions are constant seeking of the radio during the months of November and December in search of a station not playing O Little Town of Bethlehem or some other sappy sobby holiday tune whined out by some generic singer seeking to strike it rich with the latest release of a Christmas album. This sometimes results in the need to replace the button since the constant pushing will render it useless.

Needless to say, I despise any music related to Christmas...I don't know why but that is just how it is. When I walked into Wal-Mart the day after Halloween and was hit by a wave of O Holy Night, I thought I was going to lose it. It was barely November which meant that I would have at least 50 more days of avoiding that noise.

I also think that it is funny how the day after Christmas, it is as if no one had ever heard of a thing such as Christmas music. You can't find it anywhere to save your life. How does that work? All these stations and stores that are so dedicated to infiltrating our ears with the sounds of Christmas have suddenly forgotten the season and are back to the normal Muzak that is usually polluting our heads. Weird.

So, for the next three days I will continue to desperately avoid the sounds of joy on my daily commute and throughout my day at work. A task that is getting more and more difficult as we near Christmas but one that I must continue to do in order to maintain some amount of sanity in my life.

control

My dog humps my cat. Regularly. The cat likes it. The love they have for each other is shameless. This is funny when it is just my husband and I but they don't have the sense to only do it in front of family.

I hosted a baby shower for a friend this past summer and what did the dog and cat do? They proudly displayed their love for each other multiple times in the middle of the living room-in front of everyone. What did I do? I laughed.

I have learned that there are things you can't control. The only thing you can control is the way you react in situations. At one point in my life I may have been embarrassed that they professed their love for each other in front of everyone-and ruined what I was trying to execute as the perfect baby shower. Instead, I laughed at them.

I can't control their actions but I can control my reactions. The dog-cat humping went over as a hilarious ice-breaker in a group of people that didn't really know each other. Why would I waste my time worrying about what other people are going to think instead of just letting incidents roll off me with a good belly laugh? I have spent the better half of my young life worrying about what others are going to think and I am done. Now, I laugh.

babies

So, Thanksgiving is done and the dreaded family hub-bub is over...or is it? I was told last weekend that I didn't spend enough time with my sister-in-laws children this holiday. That I was punishing her kids for the fact that my husband and I have struggled to have children. How ridiculous.

I don't really "do" kids. Yes, we are trying to have one of our own since my husband has always wanted children and I am hanging on to two things: 1-I have been told you will always love your own, please let this be true; and 2- my husband is such a good uncle he will be the fun one and I will be the one the provides food, love and shelter.

Back to the in-laws- what did she expect me to do? Sing and dance? Put on silly hats and jump around like the circus came to town? I don't think so. There were 4 children under 3 years...it was an utter snot fest of sickness and germs. I kept the little one out of the plant-she likes to eat dirt, I told one to apologize when he hit the other, I put in DVDs, I took out DVDs...and then when one boy gave me toys and took away toys for the bazillionth time, I finally said that was enough and picked up my book and read.

I was told that this broke her heart to see me not playing with the children...well where was everyone else...not there that's for sure. I spent 4 hours alone with these children while everyone else mulled about the kitchen and did what they pleased. What nonsense.

Other people should not be expected to parent your children and then made to feel guilty when it is not to your specifications. You had them, you entertain them. I did my best.